December Blog

This is the time of the year (I wrote in Swedish Press in August 1993) when we hear from many readers about happy summer visits with friends and relatives in Sweden. Generally the stories are about joyful memories, but every now and again the tales are tainted with a certain bitterness.

“I was staying in a hotel when I was over there so as not to be of any inconvenience to my relatives. Instead of inviting me home, ten of them came over to the hotel and had dinner on me”.

“When they visit us over here it’s I who has to take them out to a restaurant. When I visit them in Sweden it’s still I who have to pay when we go out”.

“When I visit my sister she is always complaining about how expensive everything is over there, making me feel guilty”.

“In Sweden there is a saying that guests and fish smell bad after three days. I try to live by that when I visit my friends and relatives in Sweden. But when they come over here, it’s somehow like the long trip gives them licence to stay as long as they like”.

“They said that they had only made local calls, not knowing that over here we get an itemized phone bill so I could see exactly how many calls they had made to Sweden”.

“When I stay with my brother or sister in Sweden I always make a point of contributing in any way I see possible. When they are here they are just out shopping for bargains to bring back to Sweden.”

The recurring theme in most of these unfortunate tales is the feeling that many Swedes believe that their North American relatives are better off than they are.

This is a myth with a history. To justify the hardship of emigration in the 19th century, many Swedes overstated their success in the new country when they wrote home. The stories about the rich relatives who had made it big in America were further inflated as they spread in the villages. In this way the eldest son who got the farm did not need to have a bad conscience and could instead expect largesse when the “rich” relatives paid a visit to the old homeland.

My personal peeve on this subject is that very few of my Swedish friends and relatives show any particular interest in my life over here. I have even discussed this with them and the explanation is most often that they find it hard to relate to it. Many of the people I know in Sweden still receive me like I have never been away. I guess I should take this as a compliment and it is probably a testimony of a strong relationship.

When all is said and done the most important thing is the contact and I am sure the small irritants that occur are soon forgotten.